


mess(ed up)

by azriaphales



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Angst, I Tried, M/M, canonical divergence (just a bit), im so glad i found this prompt, kind of??, tw violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azriaphales/pseuds/azriaphales
Summary: Kartik is all ready to give his life-changing speech on homophobia. But, just as he turns (quite dramatically), he sees something that shatters his world. Aman's photo. A garland around it. A funeral ritual site.eta: a second chapter has been added, which is the all-english version of the same story. this one's for those of you who don't speak hindi. hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 25





	1. mess(ed) up [hindi]

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on [this post](https://kartik-tripathi.tumblr.com/post/611033537020346368/fic-ideasprompts-part-1-reposting-my-fic) by [@legendarilymessedup](https://legendarilymessedup.tumblr.com/). Thank you for giving me inspiration to write something!! Hope this reaches your expectations!!

Kartik makes sure the flag is correctly set around his neck.

He isn’t nervous. He probably should be, considering what he’s gonna do, but there’s this rush of adrenaline in him, and he feels invincible.

He is so thankful Rajni convinced him to do this. This was **his** Amitabh Bachhan moment, and he’d be damned if he didn’t saviour every moment of it.

He takes a deep breath. With the microphone in his hand, he steps forward, so he is in everyone’s view.

“Bhaiyon aur Behenon” He does a dramatic turn, ready to give a speech on homophobia, that was bound to leave them speechless. (He’d prepared for it the entire time they’d taken to reach here, and he was proud of it.)

As he turns around, the first thing he sees is all the family gathered in front of the tree, looking at him. He has an audience, exactly what he wan-

And then he sees it. Aman. No, not Aman. A framed photo of him. **And the garland of flowers around it.**

His heart drops. He looks at the scene below him, frozen. There’s the pundit, and there’s the entire family… except for Aman.

“ _Chalaa ja yaar_.” Aman had said. But, Kartik hadn’t listened. He’d been selfish, he’d stayed. And now…

“A-Aman..”, he whispers. His eyes fill with tears, his throat tightens, and there’s this ache in his chest. Everything hurts.

 _Aman. Aman. Aman_. Where have you gone? It’s unbearable how he feels. He’s crying and crying, and his heart feels so heavy. He drops down on his knees.

_“Arey khana to khaale yaar”, Aman always pestered them before they went out for their job._

_“Bas kaar na!!”, Aman had laughed that day, when they were both in their bed, and Kartik wouldn’t stop throwing the pillows at him._

_“Kya baan raha hai?”, Kartik always asked, himself not helping Aman at all, letting him do all the work in the kitchen. Whatever was the answer, the food was always god-tier. “The secret ingredient is love.”, Aman would always say when asked how he cooked so good._

Who would take care of when and what he ate? Who would love him? Who would he have pillow fights with now?? Who would he call family now??

Kartik’s cries have turned into screams, and they’re horrifying, pain-filled screams. His cheeks are damp with all the tears, and yet they never seem to cease.

How will he ever live with this? It’s all his fault. All of this. He should never have insisted they come here, he should never have kissed him on the train, he should never have stayed. Aman was.. dead.. and it was because of him.

-

Down at the courtyard, the entire Tripathi family is looking at Kartik with a baffled look on their faces.

Champa is the first to realize what’s going on. She looks at Kartik, who is on his knees, and then at the base of the tree, where there’s Aman’s photo, with the flower garland around it, and suddenly it's all clear. Her heart drops for a second.

Kartik is shouting now, and there’s agony written all over his face. Champa decides she has to do something. _Something before..._

She shakes her head, removing any negative thoughts, and starts going towards the roof. Shankar and Chaman Tripathi, both clueless, watch as she goes past them. “Kaha ja rahi ho?”, there’s an edge to Shankar’s voice, but Champa ignores him. She starts ascending the stairs.

-

Rajni enters the gate. At the sound of the door opening, both men look towards it. Seeing Rajni enter, Chaman’s face immediately lights up with a smile.

“Rajni!! Beta tu aa gai?” he asks. But Rajni pays no heed to his question, she’s looking at Kartik, who is shouting. She’s confused. This wasn’t what they’d plann-

She looks at the courtyard and sees Aman’s photo. And the garland around it. She immediately brings up both her hands to cover her hands, her whole body numbing.

Aman wouldn’t… he _couldn’t_ have.. Shankar and Chaman follow her gaze, and they both finally realize what is going on.

“Nahi.. Beti nahi. Esa kuch nahi hai..”, Chaman starts moving towards his daughter.

“Aghe maat aana aap.” she says, her voice breaking. “Khush hoge na aap log? Ho gayi na aapko tassalli? Tut gayi na Kartik aur Aman ki jodi!!!” She is crying now.

-

Champa reaches the roof. Kartik has stopped screaming and now looks more broken than ever. He’s whispering, “Aman. Aman. Aman.”, like it’s a prayer that will bring him back to life.

“Kartik.” she says. He doesn’t seem to hear her.

She reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder. He flinches and turns up to look at who it is.

The look on Kartik’s face breaks Champa’s heart. His eyes are red and swollen, his cheeks are wet with all the tears, he looks **heartbroken**.

“Kartik. Kuch nahi huwa hai. Sab thik hai.” But he ignores her, and goes back to staring at the floor, whispering the same word, tears falling from his cheek to the ground.

Before she can explain any further, she hears Rajni shout.

-

When Sunaina and Aman get out of the room, Champa is trying to console Kartik, Rajni is crying while Shankar and Chaman are trying to explain to her that everything is fine. “

"Arey, yaha kya ho raha hai??” Sunaina asks. At the sound of her voice, Rajni turns to look towards her.

She sees Aman.

“Aman?” her voice is filled with disbelief. She runs towards him, and hugs him tightly. Aman is confused, but hugs her back. He feels her teardrops on his shoulders. He breaks the his, looks at her and asks, “Kya huwa? Sab thik toh hai?”

As she looks at Aman, she’s reminded of Kartik.

_Oh God. Kartik._

“ **KARTIK!!** ” she shouts, turning towards the roof.

Champa looks towards them. Rajni points to Kartik, so as to ask her to make him turn around.

-

Kartik feels his entire world crumbling. He feels numb. He has nothing left to live for. His heart is still aching, and he feels so powerless.

“Beta. Dekho toh sahi.” Champa chachi is saying, but he ignores her.

“ **KARTIK!! KARTIK!!** ” Rajni’s voice reaches his ears. He turns his head to look towards the direction of the voice.

His vision is blurry from all the tears. But he sees that Rajni is pointing towards someone… _Aman?_

He wipes his eyes to make sure he isn’t hallucinating. He really hopes he isn’t. He can’t afford to have his heart broken again.

He looks again. **Aman. Is. Still. There.** _Aman. He’s alive._

The feeling he feels in his heart is unreal. This, he realizes, is true happiness. He slowly stands up, his legs shaking. Champa holds his arm, giving him support. He shakily comes down the stairs, looking at Aman the entire time, not blinking even once, afraid he’ll disappear.

Aman has a tired look on his face. He’s wearing glasses, and a shirt which Kartik knows wasn’t Aman’s choice. He looks fed up, like he’s gonna let the world win. Like, he’s ready to give up.

“Aman.” he says just this one word.

“Woh ab Aman nahi hai. Hum usko naya naam de rahe hai. Mar gaya hai Aman.” Shankar Tripathi says, in an icy voice.

Kartik feels anger boiling within him. “Aur kitna karoge aap??” he snas. He points towards Aman. “Dekha hai aapne bete ho?? Halat kya ho gaayi hai?? Khush lag raha hai kya vo?? Kya paaoge ye kar kar??”

“Hum jo bhi kar rahe hai, soch samaj ke kar rahe hai. Tum bich me na aao, warna bhari padega tum pe.” Shankar says, glaring at his own son.

“Arey yaha par ho kya raha hai?? Kya kar rage ho aap log??” Kartik says, exasperated, laying his hands in front of him. “Bete ki aadhi zindagi nahi kati hai aur aap log antim sanskaar karne chale??”

“Hah. Hum Aman ki antim sanskaar kar rahe the. Uska naya janam hone wala tha. Ab yaha se chale jao, warna Aman ke saath tumhara bhi karna na pade.” Shankar Tripathi says, his voice curt and blunt, but mostly angry.

“Yaar..” Kartik puts a hand on his forehead, exasperated. “Laga tha aap log to samjhoge.” he turns around and starts walking away.

_Kartik. Is. Walking. Away._

Aman feels helpless. He feels like he should do something, anything. He even opens his mouth to say something, but his mother digs her nails in his arm, so as to say, “No”. He looks at her. She isn’t looking at him, she’s looking at his father, who is glaring at him. He closes his mouth.

What is he to do now? Have they lost this battle?? His heart is breaking. Will they ever see each other again? Where is Kartik?? Is he leaving already, without a single goodbye?

“Chalo suru karte hain.” Shankar Tripathi says in a smug, satisfied voice.

They’re all just going to go to the mandap, when Rajni laughs. “Tauji, aapka problem yaha nahi waha hai.” She points towards the roof.

Aman looks. And there’s his boyfriend. Kartik. Shirtless. The pride flag around his neck. (How had missed all these details before??). A microphone in his hand.

“Bhaiyon aur behenon.” he starts, and Aman feels his heart clench with happiness.

The speech he gives is just **iconic**. And the look on Shankar Tripathi’s face is quite the sight to see. When Kartik shouts, “Homophobia!!! Homophobia!!! Homophobia!!”, each time doing a different pose, Aman feels his face break into a huge smile. He is _so so so proud_ of Kartik.

Aman’s happiness spell is broken when he hears his father say in a voice filled with anger, “Beta.. Tu wahi ruk.”. Shankar Tripathi then proceeds to go inside the house.

Aman now, free from his father’s angry glared, runs up the stairs to the roof. As soon as Kartik sees him, he practically engulfs him with a hug.

“Tu thik hai.” Kartik says, and Aman feels teardrops on his shoulder.

“Main thik hi to hoon. Mujhe kya hona tha??” he is confused. “Arey, tu ro kyun raha hai?”

Kartik breaks the hug, and Aman sees his eyes are red.

“Yaar.. Tu.. Tu.. Tu maar gaya socha tha maine.” Kartik is crying again.

“Par… kyun..” Aman’s voice trails off as he turns his head towards the courtyard, where he sees the sight below him.

“Oh God.. Kartik” Aman turns towards his boyfriend, whose face is red from all the crying. He cups his face. “I’m alright. I’m right here, okay?” He wipes the tears. “Ab isse pehele ki papa aa jaye, nikalja yaha se.”

Kartik wipes his eyes. “Arey mein kaha jaunga? Kyun kahi jaunga? Aaj to ye solve karke rahunga.”

“Nahi yaar papa tujh ko-” Aman begins, but Kartik cuts him off.

“Bas papa ko shoot karne se rokle. Mere last wishes ke list hai yaar. Sun-” Before Kartik can finish, he sees Shankar Tripathi coming out of the house, holding something in his hand.

_IS THAT A GUN??!! Please don’t let it be a gun, I’m not ready to die. God, no, you know I have so much left to do. Please don’t let him kill me._

Aman is pulled back by Champa chachi. Kartik is left all alone.

Shankar Tripathi isn’t carrying a gun (Kartik is so thankful). Instead, he’s carrying a stick, a huge one at that. He has this look of revenge in his eyes... 

Suddenly Kartik is once again a helpless 9 year old, he’s back in his room at Punjab.

_“Papa, nahi-”_

_His father hadn’t even let him complete his sentence. “Ladkon ke saath ghumta reheta hai? Haan??? Sharam nahi aati tujhe?” He’d been hit with the belt once, and then again, and then again. It’d hurt, and he’d cried, but his father had been ruthless, determined to beat the homosexuality out of him._

_“Agar firse maine tujhe uss ladke, ya kisi bhi ladke ke saath paya na, toh tujhe kaat ke rakh dunga.” His father’s eyes had been red with anger, and he’s been so scared that day._

Shankar Tripathi’s eyes remind him of his father’s eyes. He gets an uneasy feeling on his stomach. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea…

Before he can complete the thought, his eyes meet Aman’s. And he just **knows**. It’s either him or Aman. The latter one is obviously _never_ going to be an option. So, he straightens his back. Yes, he’s gonna take this. For Aman. He has to. For love, for the-

The first blow lands on his back, and every single thought flies out of his mind. The pain is excruciating. Before he can compose himself, Shankar Tripathi hits him in his shoulders with another blow.

Kartik can hear Aman shouting something, but his ears are ringing and his body is hurting everywhere and he cannot make out a single word. He can hear Chaman chacha shout out, and he can hear the little gasps from Sunaina’s mouth. But he can’t fathom any of it, because Shankar Tripathi just won’t stop hitting him-

Kartik realizes he isn’t hitting him anymore. He freezes, waiting for the next blow. But it never comes. He slowly straightens his back. He looks towards Shankar Tripathi, who is standing with a pained look on his face, his hand on his back. The stick is on the ground now.

_This is your chance, Kartik. You can leave if you want to._

He looks at Aman. The look on his face stops him. There’s a look of helplessness in his face, and it breaks Kartik to see him that way. He’s not gonna run away, because running away means leaving Aman alone, and he cannot have his lover’s heart broken.

So, he picks the stick from the ground, and gives it to Shankar Tripathi, who is too shocked to say a single word. Kartik looks at Aman, and nods.

The beating resumes. Kartik doesn’t even have the time to register his pain from one hit when Shankar Tripathi is on him with another.

He can feel himself getting weaker. He doesn’t know how long he can stand up.

Suddenly, he sees Aman. Coming towards him.

_Aman. Aman. Aman. I love you so much._

Aman is coming towards him, and his arms are opening, preparing for a warm hug. But, Aman _runs_ past him, up the stairs. He doesn’t even look back once. Kartik is dumbfounded.

-

His father is beating Kartik. And he’s helpless.

Aman is shouting, and trying to get to them, but Chaman is holding him back. He’s fighting, but he’s too weak. He has to do something. _Anything_.

Suddenly, he sees his father drop the stick; he’s too tired. He looks at Kartik, who looks just about ready to break.

_Kartik. Chala ja. Yeh tera mauka hai._

Kartik even looks like he’s contemplating leaving the courtyard. But then, their eyes meet, and Aman knows. _Kartik will never leave him alone._

He cannot let this go on anymore. He loves Kartik, so he really hopes he understands. He takes a deep breath.

He runs towards Kartik. Kartik looks so happy, his arms open. Aman ignores him, and runs straight upstairs towards his room. He doesn’t turn back becuase he knows what he will see will break his heart.

He enters the room, and locks the door. He now knows what he has to do.

-

Kartik stares at Aman’s room in shock. _He just.. really went in like that??_

For a moment, Kartik is baffled. But then, he realizes. He is trying to get all of this to stop. It only makes sense, Shankar wa-

Before he can complete his thought, Shankar Tripathi is back in his business. It’s even more unbearable now.

Just as Kartik feels like he’s gonna pass out, he hears the sound of the stick dropping, and Shankar Tripathi sighing in defeat. He looks up to see his tired face. He looks around and the entire Tripathi family looks shocked.

He spots a tap at the far side. He staggers towards it, and opens it. He then ducks under the tap so the water falls on his head.

The cold water jolts his body back to life. His steps still faltering, he stands up, facing towards the Tripathi family.

“My sexuality,” he points to himself. “is my sexuality. None of your sexuality.” Immediately after this, he feels his body give away, and he falls, losing consciousness.


	2. mess(ed up) [english]

Kartik makes sure the flag is correctly set around his neck.

He isn’t nervous. He probably should be, considering what he’s gonna do, but there’s this rush of adrenaline in him, and he feels invincible.

He is so thankful Rajni convinced him to do this. This was **his** Amitabh Bachhan moment, and he’d be damned if he didn’t saviour every moment of it.

He takes a deep breath. With the microphone in his hand, he steps forward, so he is in everyone’s view.

“Ladies and Gentlemen..” He does a dramatic turn, ready to give a speech on homophobia, that was bound to leave them speechless. (He’d prepared for it the entire time they’d taken to reach here, and he was proud of it.)

As he turns around, the first thing he sees is all the family gathered in front of the tree, looking at him. He has an audience, exactly what he wan-

And then he sees it. Aman. No, not Aman. A framed photo of him. **And the garland of flowers around it.**

His heart drops. He looks at the scene below him, frozen. There’s the pundit, and there’s the entire family… except for Aman.

“ _Don't stay here. Go back to Delhi, please_ ” Aman had said. But, Kartik hadn’t listened. He’d been selfish, he’d stayed. And now…

“A-Aman..”, he whispers. His eyes fill with tears, his throat tightens, and there’s this ache in his chest. Everything hurts.

 _Aman. Aman. Aman_. Where have you gone? It’s unbearable how he feels. He’s crying and crying, and his heart feels so heavy. He drops down on his knees.

_“Come on, have your lunch now!!”, Aman always pestered them before they went out for their job._

_“Stop it!!!”, Aman had laughed that day, when they were both in their bed, and Kartik wouldn’t stop throwing the pillows at him._

_“What's cooking?”, Kartik always asked, himself not helping Aman at all, letting him do all the work in the kitchen. Whatever was the answer, the food was always god-tier. “The secret ingredient is love.”, Aman would always say when asked how he cooked so good._

Who would take care of when and what he ate? Who would love him? Who would he have pillow fights with now?? Who would he call family now??

Kartik’s cries have turned into screams, and they’re horrifying, pain-filled screams. His cheeks are damp with all the tears, and yet they never seem to cease.

How will he ever live with this? It’s all his fault. All of this. He should never have insisted they come here, he should never have kissed him on the train, he should never have stayed. Aman was.. dead.. and it was because of him.

-

Down at the courtyard, the entire Tripathi family is looking at Kartik with a baffled look on their faces.

Champa is the first to realize what’s going on. She looks at Kartik, who is on his knees, and then at the base of the tree, where there’s Aman’s photo, with the flower garland around it, and suddenly it's all clear. Her heart drops for a second.

Kartik is shouting now, and there’s agony written all over his face. Champa decides she has to do something. _Something before..._

She shakes her head, removing any negative thoughts, and starts going towards the roof. Shankar and Chaman Tripathi, both clueless, watch as she goes past them. “Where do you think you're going”, there’s an edge to Shankar’s voice, but Champa ignores him. She starts ascending the stairs.

-

Rajni enters the gate. At the sound of the door opening, both men look towards it. Seeing Rajni enter, Chaman’s face immediately lights up with a smile.

“Rajni!! You're back!!” he asks. But Rajni pays no heed to his question, she’s looking at Kartik, who is shouting. She’s confused. This wasn’t what they’d plann-

She looks at the courtyard and sees Aman’s photo. And the garland around it. She immediately brings up both her hands to cover her hands, her whole body numbing.

Aman wouldn’t… he _couldn’t_ have.. Shankar and Chaman follow her gaze, and they both finally realize what is going on.

“No.. Goggle.. you've got it wrong. It isn't what it looks like..”, Chaman starts moving towards his daughter.

“Don't you dare step forward.” she says, her voice breaking. “Are you happy now? Are you satisfied? Kartik and Aman are no longer together, this is what you sick people wanted, isn't it??” She is crying now.

-

Champa reaches the roof. Kartik has stopped screaming and now looks more broken than ever. He’s whispering, “Aman. Aman. Aman.”, like it’s a prayer that will bring him back to life.

“Kartik.” she says. He doesn’t seem to hear her.

She reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder. He flinches and turns up to look at who it is.

The look on Kartik’s face breaks Champa’s heart. His eyes are red and swollen, his cheeks are wet with all the tears, he looks **heartbroken**.

“Kartik. Nothing has happened.everything is fine.” But he ignores her, and goes back to staring at the floor, whispering the same word, tears falling from his cheek to the ground.

Before she can explain any further, she hears Rajni shout.

-

When Sunaina and Aman get out of the room, Champa is trying to console Kartik, Rajni is crying while Shankar and Chaman are trying to explain to her that everything is fine. “

"Oho, what is happening here??” Sunaina asks. At the sound of her voice, Rajni turns to look towards her.

She sees Aman.

“Aman?” her voice is filled with disbelief. She runs towards him, and hugs him tightly. Aman is confused, but hugs her back. He feels her teardrops on his shoulders. He breaks the hug, looks at her and asks, “What happened? Is everything fine??”

As she looks at Aman, she’s reminded of Kartik.

_Oh God. Kartik._

“ **KARTIK!!** ” she shouts, turning towards the roof.

Champa looks towards them. Rajni points to Kartik, so as to ask her to make him turn around.

-

Kartik feels his entire world crumbling. He feels numb. He has nothing left to live for. His heart is still aching, and he feels so powerless.

“Kartik. Just look. Once, please.” Champa chachi is saying, but he ignores her.

“ **KARTIK!! KARTIK!!** ” Rajni’s voice reaches his ears. He turns his head to look towards the direction of the voice.

His vision is blurry from all the tears. But he sees that Rajni is pointing towards someone… _Aman?_

He wipes his eyes to make sure he isn’t hallucinating. He really hopes he isn’t. He can’t afford to have his heart broken again.

He looks again. **Aman. Is. Still. There.** _Aman. He’s alive._

The feeling he feels in his heart is unreal. This, he realizes, is true happiness. He slowly stands up, his legs shaking. Champa holds his arm, giving him support. He shakily comes down the stairs, looking at Aman the entire time, not blinking even once, afraid he’ll disappear.

Aman has a tired look on his face. He’s wearing glasses, and a shirt which Kartik knows wasn’t Aman’s choice. He looks fed up, like he’s gonna let the world win. Like, he’s ready to give up.

“Aman.” he says just this one word.

“He is no longer Aman Tripathi. We're gonna give him a new name. Aman is dead for us." Shankar Tripathi says, in an icy voice.

Kartik feels anger boiling within him. “How much longer will you let this clownery go on??” he snaps. He points towards Aman. “Have you seen your son?? What has become of him?? Does he look even a little happy?? What do you get from your son's sadness??”

“Whatever we're doing, we're doing it for his best. Don't you dare come in the middle of a family matter, it won't be good for you.” Shankar says, glaring at his own son.

“What exactly is going on here?? Someone care to explain??” Kartik says, exasperated, laying his hands in front of him. “Your son hasn't even reached halfway through his life, and you are already planning a funeral???”

“Yes. This IS Aman's funeral. He's gonna have a new birth, where he's gonna come out purer. Now go away from here, or we'll do both of your funerals together.” Shankar Tripathi says, his voice curt and blunt, but mostly angry.

“God..” Kartik puts a hand on his forehead, exasperated. “I'd hoped at least you guys would understand.” he turns around and starts walking away.

_Kartik. Is. Walking. Away._

Aman feels helpless. He feels like he should do something, anything. He even opens his mouth to say something, but his mother digs her nails in his arm, so as to say, “No”. He looks at her. She isn’t looking at him, she’s looking at his father, who is glaring at him. He closes his mouth.

What is he to do now? Have they lost this battle?? His heart is breaking. Will they ever see each other again? Where is Kartik?? Is he leaving already, without a single goodbye?

“Okay, let's start now.” Shankar Tripathi says in a smug, satisfied voice.

They’re all just going to go to the mandap, when Rajni laughs. “Uncle, your problem isn't here. It's up there.” She points towards the roof.

Aman looks. And there’s his boyfriend. Kartik. Shirtless. The pride flag around his neck. (How had missed all these details before??). A microphone in his hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen!!” he starts, and Aman feels his heart clench with happiness.

The speech he gives is just **iconic**. And the look on Shankar Tripathi’s face is quite the sight to see. When Kartik shouts, “Homophobia!!! Homophobia!!! Homophobia!!”, each time doing a different pose, Aman feels his face break into a huge smile. He is _so so so proud_ of Kartik.

Aman’s happiness spell is broken when he hears his father say in a voice filled with anger, “You.. You just wait.” Shankar Tripathi then proceeds to go inside the house.

Aman now, free from his father’s angry glared, runs up the stairs to the roof. As soon as Kartik sees him, he practically engulfs him with a hug.

“You're fine.” Kartik says, and Aman feels teardrops on his shoulder.

“I'm alright. what could've happened to me??” he is confused. “Why are you crying?”

Kartik breaks the hug, and Aman sees his eyes are red.

“God.. I thought you.. you died.” Kartik is crying again.

"Why would you...” Aman’s voice trails off as he turns his head towards the courtyard, where he sees the sight below him.

“Oh God.. Kartik” Aman turns towards his boyfriend, whose face is red from all the crying. He cups his face. “I’m alright. I’m right here, okay?” He wipes the tears. “Now before my dad returns, you go back to Delhi, Kartik. Please.”

Kartik wipes his eyes. “Why would I go anywhere?? No, Aman, we're gonna solve this today, right here. Right now."

“Karti, you don't understand. Dad's gonna-” Aman begins, but Kartik cuts him off.

“Just ask your father not to shoot me, please. I have a list of final wishes I have to complete. Listen-” Before Kartik can finish, he sees Shankar Tripathi coming out of the house, holding something in his hand.

_IS THAT A GUN??!! Please don’t let it be a gun, I’m not ready to die. God, no, you know I have so much left to do. Please don’t let him kill me._

Aman is pulled back by Champa chachi. Kartik is left all alone.

Shankar Tripathi isn’t carrying a gun (Kartik is so thankful). Instead, he’s carrying a stick, a huge one at that. He has this look of revenge in his eyes... 

Suddenly Kartik is once again a helpless 9 year old, he’s back in his room at Punjab.

_“Dad, please-”_

_His father hadn’t even let him complete his sentence. “Roaming around with boys, huh?? Have you got no shame??” He’d been hit with the belt once, and then again, and then again. It’d hurt, and he’d cried, but his father had been ruthless, determined to beat the homosexuality out of him._

_“If I see you with that boy, or with any other boy ever again, i'm gonna kill you Kartik. Keep that in mind.” His father’s eyes had been red with anger, and he’d been so scared that day._

Shankar Tripathi’s eyes remind him of his father’s eyes. He gets an uneasy feeling on his stomach. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea…

Before he can complete the thought, his eyes meet Aman’s. And he just **knows**. It’s either him or Aman. The latter one is obviously _never_ going to be an option. So, he straightens his back. Yes, he’s gonna take this. For Aman. He has to. For love, for the-

The first blow lands on his back, and every single thought flies out of his mind. The pain is excruciating. Before he can compose himself, Shankar Tripathi hits him in his shoulders with another blow.

Kartik can hear Aman shouting something, but his ears are ringing and his body is hurting everywhere and he cannot make out a single word. He can hear Chaman chacha shout out, and he can hear the little gasps from Sunaina’s mouth. But he can’t fathom any of it, because Shankar Tripathi just won’t stop hitting him-

Kartik realizes he isn’t hitting him anymore. He freezes, waiting for the next blow. But it never comes. He slowly straightens his back. He looks towards Shankar Tripathi, who is standing with a pained look on his face, his hand on his back. The stick is on the ground now.

_This is your chance, Kartik. You can leave if you want to._

He looks at Aman. The look on his face stops him. There’s a look of helplessness in his face, and it breaks Kartik to see him that way. He’s not gonna run away, because running away means leaving Aman alone, and he cannot have his lover’s heart broken.

So, he picks the stick from the ground, and gives it to Shankar Tripathi, who is too shocked to say a single word. Kartik looks at Aman, and nods.

The beating resumes. Kartik doesn’t even have the time to register his pain from one hit when Shankar Tripathi is on him with another.

He can feel himself getting weaker. He doesn’t know how long he can stand up.

Suddenly, he sees Aman. Coming towards him.

_Aman. Aman. Aman. I love you so much._

Aman is coming towards him, and his arms are opening, preparing for a warm hug. But, Aman _runs_ past him, up the stairs. He doesn’t even look back once. Kartik is dumbfounded.

-

His father is beating Kartik. And he’s helpless.

Aman is shouting, and trying to get to them, but Chaman is holding him back. He’s fighting, but he’s too weak. He has to do something. _Anything_.

Suddenly, he sees his father drop the stick; he’s too tired. He looks at Kartik, who looks just about ready to break.

_Kartik. Go. Go back to Delhi. This is your chance._

Kartik even looks like he’s contemplating leaving the courtyard. But then, their eyes meet, and Aman knows. _Kartik will never leave him alone._

He cannot let this go on anymore. He loves Kartik, so he really hopes he understands. He takes a deep breath.

He runs towards Kartik. Kartik looks so happy, his arms open. Aman ignores him, and runs straight upstairs towards his room. He doesn’t turn back because he knows what he will see will break his heart.

He enters the room, and locks the door. He now knows what he has to do.

-

Kartik stares at Aman’s room in shock. _He just.. really went in like that??_

For a moment, Kartik is baffled. But then, he realizes. He is trying to get all of this to stop. It only makes sense, Shankar wa-

Before he can complete his thought, Shankar Tripathi is back in his business. It’s even more unbearable now.

Just as Kartik feels like he’s gonna pass out, he hears the sound of the stick dropping, and Shankar Tripathi sighing in defeat. He looks up to see his tired face. He looks around and the entire Tripathi family looks shocked.

He spots a tap at the far side. He staggers towards it, and opens it. He then ducks under the tap so the water falls on his head.

The cold water jolts his body back to life. His steps still faltering, he stands up, facing towards the Tripathi family.

“My sexuality,” he points to himself. “is my sexuality. None of your sexuality.” Immediately after this, he feels his body give away, and he falls, losing consciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it!! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!! You can follow me on tumblr too: [@kartikamans](https://kartikamans.tumblr.com/)


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